Instructions for the Unknown
Congratulations! You have made your first step to conquering your overwhelming fear of the ‘Unknown’. Before reading the instructions which follow, please take a moment to prepare yourself for more detail than you would ordinarily wish for. You are likely a very imaginative, big-picture kind of girl. If followed, these instructions will help you conquer these tendencies when facing future challenges in the arena of the ‘Unknown’.
1. Stop thinking of it as the ‘Unknown’. Start breaking it down into individual episodes. We have found that fearers of unknown things have been helped by analysing a recent event. Might we suggest that you consider the Women’s Coffee Evening that occurred in your home just two hours ago? Yes? Good.
2. You likely awoke this morning with a vague feeling of dread. Yes? That was your first mistake. Upon waking, as your mind is reaching for images to make sense of the coming day, take hold of the image of your Bircher Muesli that has been soaking overnight in the fridge. It did that without any help from you. Life is like that. Good things happen without you doing much. As it is likely that you bypassed the thought of Bircher Muesli and went straight for the upcoming event of enormously unknown proportions, lets move swiftly on.
3. Eat your breakfast.
4. Take a deep breath and ask God for help. In fact, just admit that he’s the one that will make it work and hand it all over to him. You did? But then you took it back? Yes, we thought so.
5. Don’t try a new recipe from Marcella’s book. We suspect you got that bit right. Your intuitive side would have urged you to go with what you know.
6. At some point in the day, likely just after lunch, you will have considered cancelling the coffee evening. You can’t. You likely worked that out yourself.
7. Make the biscuits instead.
8. Embrace the mystery! Yes, you hate mystery, but it can be your friend. You didn’t know exactly who and how many would come and the ones you did know were coming were bringing women you didn’t know. Challenging? Yes. Exciting? No? Yes!
9. Open the door to the first guests, with a smile on your face. Muscles can be trained. Smiling muscles (we just know you won’t keep scientific detail in your head, so we won’t tell you their proper name) love to be exercised. The smiling will involuntarily continue as you see many women arrive (there were 22 – someone else had to count as you always forget to). Slightly more than comfortably fit in your living room. But not too many to have anyone complaining.
10. Sit back and watch the ‘Unknown’ unfurl in beautifully exciting patterns (Yes, we detailed-instruction-givers can be artistic too!). Was it beautiful? Yes, you say! We thought so.
We are confident that these instructions, if followed, will ensure a more pleasant experience the next time this kind of gathering occurs.
However, we have known some rare case who cannot be helped. You will know full well if you are one of these cases. If you are, might we suggest a strong coffee and a lot more prayer.
Thank you for your attention. Though we possibly lost you back at point 2.